When a Grown Child Makes Unwise Life Decisions

By Yssis Saadi El, CEO of Know Thyself Journey LLC

For the Spiritually Grounded Parent Learning to Let Go

Parenting doesn’t end at 18; it evolves.

Parenting doesn’t end at 18; it evolves.

As the African proverb reminds us, “It takes a village to raise a child.” That truth extends across the lifespan, for the child becomes a teen, a young adult, a senior, and eventually an elder; each stage still needs the guidance, presence, and wisdom of the village.

When our adult children begin to make choices that bring struggle or hardship, it can pierce the heart. You may wrestle with guilt, confusion, or a strong desire to rescue them. But part of the sacred journey, for both parents and children, is learning to walk beside them with compassion, not carry them in fear.

Below are spiritually mindful and emotionally grounded ways to support your adult child without losing yourself in the process.

1. Release the Burden of Blame

No matter how deeply you love your child, you are not responsible for the choices they make as adults. You may question yourself, replay the past, or carry guilt, but healing begins when you acknowledge: you did the best you could with what you knew. Life is the greatest teacher. Mistakes are often part of the spiritual awakening process. Let your adult child walk their path, even if it includes stumbling. Let go of the belief that their choices reflect your worth or wisdom.

Affirmation: “I trust in the divine timing of my child’s journey, and I release what is not mine to carry.”

2. Establish Loving Boundaries

Boundaries are not punishments; they are sacred expressions of self-respect. As your child grows into their autonomy, your role shifts from provider to guide. You can choose what support feels sustainable and healthy for you. Their urgencies should not be your emergencies.

 Be clear and kind:

“I love you, but I’m not able to loan you money.”

“You’re welcome in my home, but I won’t tolerate disrespect.”

“I’m here to talk, but I will not fix this for you.”

Holding boundaries with compassion helps you stay grounded and teaches your child emotional accountability.

3. Practice Deep Listening and Soulful Dialogue

Before rushing to advice or becoming frustrated with them, ask your child thoughtful, open-ended questions:

• “What led you to that decision and do you think it was your best decision?”

• “What do you feel is the lesson in this experience?”

• “How can I support you without rescuing you?”

These questions invite self-reflection. Listen more than you speak. When the heart is heard, healing begins. Then, gently offer your wisdom—not as commands, but as options. Create a safe space for growth through respectful, honest dialogue. Huge them into a truthful understanding.

4. Don’t Absorb Their Crisis as Your Own

When your child faces hardship—losing a job, missing rent, ending a relationship—it’s natural to want to help. But chronic rescue can become spiritual interference. Each person must learn how to meet life’s challenges with resilience.

Ask yourself:

Is this a one-time emergency or a pattern?

Am I helping or enabling?

Can I offer support without sacrificing my well-being?

Stay grounded. Protect your energy, your finances, and your peace by having a truthful conversation with yourself.

5. Offer Compassion Without Codependency

Compassion is powerful, but codependency is draining. You can offer love, presence, and encouragement while also maintaining emotional distance from their pain. Speak life into them when they feel low. Celebrate small wins. Validate their humanity—but don’t try to shield them from life’s lessons. There is power and a greater truth in the idiom, “A hard head makes a soft behind.”

“I see your struggle, and I believe in your ability to rise through it.”

6. Honor Your Time and Your Joy

Being a parent is one part of your soul’s journey, not the whole. You deserve time for your relationships, your peace, your passions. If your adult child’s needs are consuming all your energy, it’s time to reclaim space for yourself.

Remember: you are not abandoning your child by caring for yourself. You are modeling what self-respect and healthy boundaries look like. You're teaching them by showing how you treat yourself.

7. Don’t Support Harmful Behaviors

If your child is making choices that involve addiction, abuse, gambling, or toxic relationships, your support must be discerning. Never provide money or resources that might fund destruction. If needed, offer support indirectly, like paying a bill directly or buying food instead of giving cash.

And when you see red flags, especially in their relationships, speak truthfully but gently. Share your concerns. Then step back with send healing thoughts and loving prayers, they will awaken to their worth.

8. Protect Your Financial Wellness

Your future matters, too. Supporting an adult child should never mean sacrificing your stability or dreams. Create a clear budget for what you can and cannot give. If they ask for more, lovingly say no. You don’t need to explain in detail—just honor your boundaries and budget, and what you are also doing is teaching them to do the same for when they become parents.

“My financial peace is part of my legacy. I choose to preserve what I have earned.”

9. Seek Support for Yourself

Letting go while still loving is not easy. If your child’s struggles have affected your mental or spiritual health, it’s okay to ask for help. At Know Thyself Journey LLC, we support parents navigating grief, guilt, and transition through spiritual counseling, mindfulness practices, and therapeutic dialogue.

You don’t have to do this alone. We walk with you as you reclaim peace, clarity, and purpose.

Final Thought: Let Love Guide, Not Guilt

True love doesn’t control or rescue; it encourages and believes. Let your adult child face life with the freedom to learn and the dignity to rise even when they fall. Trust the divine process. Trust your parenting. And trust that love, rooted in wisdom, is the greatest gift you can offer.

Need someone to talk to?

Schedule a spiritual counseling or life coaching session with us at Know Thyself Journey LLC. Let’s create space for healing—together.

🌿 www.knowthyselfjourney.com